Taboos and Perversions

 

Muses. Porn star Dato and Mr. XL

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Yep, that's been me lately with a drink nearby as I trudge through the year. I can't believe my last entry on LJ was in 2013, or maybe I can since so much has gone on the last couple of years.

Oh, no worries. If you still follow me somewhere, I still write. Funny, I was just reading the last entry about writing over 500k. Phew, was I productive! Yeah, well, I haven't gotten close to that in the last year or so. More responsibilities, growing kids and sometimes, well ... I lost the love I once had for writing.

Why you ask?

Well, because I feel as though I could do better accomplishing wise. Sure I have books published, some of them have been out 2 or 3 times. *laughs* But, when you're not feeling the excitement because of lack of sales, notieriety or a combination of both, it zaps your resolve. Your love for the craft starts going down the proverbial drain of self doubt and anxiety. Why isn't my shit good enough? Why isn't anyone giving a damn about anything I do?

Then, something happens to give you a little spark. An email from the publisher, from a reader, a good review and you say, yeah, I am good enough. I might not be the best and I have a ton to still learn but, I am still a newbie. It's six years and counting that I've been writing professionally and though I'm not exactly where I want to be, I have done a lot in that span of time.

Since my last post, I believe I've put out like 20 books. lol I finished The Wretched Tales and now I'm working on a spinoff series for a new character, Hirah Blaze. I finished On the Run with Michael and it's sequel to the PROTEKT series, Closely Guarded releases in 2 weeks. I'm almost done with N'awlins Exotica. I'm on the final book, See No Evil and I love my characters. I also wrote a book with a co-author. It sold pretty well and is now being translated into French and Italian. I re-released Under the Gun, Smooth Like Latte, and Time to Make the Donuts. The last 2 as a duet with a new publisher. So yes, I've been hella busy. And all this with a teen, almost going to college and an 8 year old who is going on 25. *laughs*  And of course, the dreaded EDJ which I have 2 of now because I thought we'd need the extra money for son to go to away to school. Now though, this extra money is to help my ailing mom and hopefully help us save some money for the family goals.

Anyways, writing is very few and far between these days. I got an email from my co-author and told her since I've been working so hard outside the home, I don't want to commit to co-writing again until the new year. We have several other projects on the docket, but with my schedule which is not as flexible anymore, I don't want to say I'll be availaible when I'm not sure I will be. All this makes me antsy. I still love to write and my muses are bursting with ideas, but dammit, it's hard when I barely have time to eat, sleep, and breathe. Hubs has bene supportive. He told me to keep pushing and not worry, but it's hard not to when so many doubts creeep in the back of your mind. Same thing with BFF who urges me to keep trucking, whch is good.

However, what's most helpful is gettng my thoughts here on LJ. When I checked into this a couple of days ago, it reminded me of my zeal to write and how much I pushed to do it regardless of what was going on. How I managed to finish Nano even with a horrid EDJ. I changed the EDJ since then, but it's still a PITA. *laughs* Reading my old entries and what I was working on has lit a little fire under me that I sorely needed.

So I'm thinking, I'll start filling in this journal again with my thoughts because I need this as part of therapy. I need to actually write down what's going on in my brain to make sense out of the mess up there and to clear my head of my anxieties and doubts. I believe this will help, just as it did back then. Maybe, some will follow, some will not. Its cool either way, because as I said, it really is like a couch session for me. *laughs*

BTW, that's my new muse above. Isn't he the cutest? He's the male MC in Hirah Blaze's story. Chad Stevenson. I'm hoping to get Hirah up and going by the end of next week. Until next time! You can check out all my available books on Pinterest

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Works in progress

Free story Wanting part 3 BL
See No Evil Book 6 N'awlins Exotica Michael/Rawiya
Hirah Blaze Book 3 BL
Under the Gun 3 BL
Immortals Series Book 1 Michael
DD Fanfic An Unexplainable Predictament